|
By Dr. Heather Juby
Who Does Depression Hurt?
You may have seen that ad on tv for a medication that deals with depression. I like the ad because it gives a realistic picture of both the physical symptoms of depression and the way it impacts people (and pets!) surrounding a depressed person. If you have ever known someone who is depressed, you know it is an extremely debilitating illness affecting every facet of a person's life. To care for someone who is depressed can be very difficult and in fact, they say depression can be contagious! To make it worse, the depressed person feels guilty about doing this to their loved ones and can distance themselves from the very people trying to help. The result can become a spiral of negativity, hopelessness and exhaustion.
What hope does our spirituality offer for people suffering from depression, and their caregivers? Psychology tells us that connection to loved ones is probably the most important part of the cure. Someone who is depressed needs to be reassured firstly of God's love, but (and I would argue more importantly) that God works through people. As physical manifestations of God's love, each of us has an important role in showing that love to someone who can't see a way out of their troubles. We can offer hope, help with daily tasks, keep the person active and get them out of the house, and encourage them to get professional help if needed.
At Middle Church, God is working through many people to help people suffering from depression, as well as their families and caregivers. Ministers, counselors, prayer team members, Consistory members, Stephen Ministers, volunteers from caring committees - just to name a few. Want to learn more? Give me a call or drop me an email and let's talk!
The Health Benefits of Forgiveness
Forgiveness seems to be the topic of the week. As I write this, Jacqui preached on forgiveness last Sunday and Freeman is offering a session on the topic this coming Sunday as part of the Living the Word class. This week we also watched an amazing example of radical forgiveness – the parents of the slain Amish children granting immediate forgiveness to the killer’s family.
While we know as Christians that forgiveness is important and desirable, it is almost unfathomable in our culture that a parent would be willing and able to forgive the murder of a child so quickly. But that type of forgiveness is central to the Amish culture and faith. According to one explanation, the Amish believe that if they do not forgive, they are in danger of rejecting God’s forgiveness for themselves.
From a health perspective, anger and vengefulness can act like poison in the body and manifest in both physical and emotional symptoms. In fact, psychological research has found that forgiveness is actually good for you. Forgiveness has been found to be related to decreased anger, anxiety, depression and vulnerability to substance abuse. Several studies have shown that thinking forgiving thoughts can lower your blood pressure. In one study, people who took a class to help them process negative feelings and work toward forgiveness had fewer physical symptoms such as backaches, headaches, muscle pains, and stomach problems.
Are you holding on to negative memories or experiences that are literally making you sick? This week, think about what would happen if you let them go through an act of forgiveness. And come to the Living the Word class on Sunday at 10 am if you’d like to get started on your journey or just learn a little more about forgiveness.
An Attitude of Gratitude
I visited a friend in the hospital the other day. To say this person has been through a lot would be an understatement – first a bout with cancer, then MS, then multiple complications from the MS, including pneumonia. And all of this at a young age – he is only 40. Now this formerly social person is bed-bound and isolated from the world. We talked about how he gets by each day. I didn’t know his religion, and he had never mentioned the subject to me, so I was surprised when he said prayer was a major part of his coping with his illness. I asked him who he prays to. He told me Jesus. I asked, “What do you talk to him about?” And he said, “I just thank him.”
I was floored. Here is one person that has every right in the world to be angry or depressed and to use prayer to ask for healing and comfort. And yet his main prayer focus is gratitude. He gives thanks for living another day, for anything the nurses are able to do for him, and for having been able to cope with his situation. It reminds me how a positive attitude even (or especially) in the face of adversity can truly be healing. In fact, research shows that merely turning our mind towards positive thoughts can be the first step out of depression. As you’re traveling to work tomorrow morning, try this exercise: just say thanks (to whomever you pray to) for some stuff – could be what’s going well in your life, or the lives of others, or even just for things around you that you appreciate – friends, trees, good weather – whatever makes you smile. Make this a daily ritual and I guarantee you’ll start the day off with just a little more optimism!
Therapy Comes In All Forms. . .
Tonight we had an amazing SoulCare service, with lots of beautiful music from Middle members and friends. The evening reminded me of how music can be a force for healing. In our Grief Support Group, we talk about how unexpressed grief can get “stuck” and affect our lives (and health) in so many ways. Listening to music is one way to help dislodge and finally release that grief. Other past-times can be considered therapy too. A friend sent me an article recently on how the repetitive motion of knitting can be calming and ease stress, even if you’re like me and still struggling to make a scarf truly look like a scarf! Gardening, spending time with a pet, exercise, meditation, working on a car, even watching baseball (my favorite) – so many things that we consider “recreational” activities actually work on the mind in powerful ways to induce a physical relaxation response, the release of negativity, and the building of positive emotions. If we think creatively, we can find free therapy all around us!
It’s Your Birthday!
No, it’s not actually my birthday today. But it does feel like a new day. Last night, one of our members was baptized in a truly beautiful SoulCare service led by Freeman. The night reminded me of how we are given the most amazing opportunity to be new every day. The most special part of the night for me, was the awesome show of support and community shown to our dear friend who was baptized. It brought home to me the importance of community and shared support as we walk our journey into new life. A journey that begins again every single day. Who do you have walking your journey with you? If no one is there, have you asked anyone to walk beside you lately? If you have not yet attended a SoulCare service or haven’t in awhile, I encourage you to come join us. It truly is a special place where you will find respite, renewal, hope, and fellow travellers.
Appreciation
Did you know we humans receive a ratio of 10:1 criticism to praise? That’s ten times more criticism than praise over the course of an entire lifetime. Imagine what that does to our self esteem? To our sense of optimism? Imagine what the world would be like if we flipped that ratio – if we received 10 times more praise than criticism . . . I’ve certainly seen the benefit of receiving appreciation for my work. It makes me feel more motivated to keep doing what I’m doing. And it also encourages me to turn around and appreciate others. Appreciating someone is really easy, but there are a few guidelines in order to maximize the benefits. First, appreciation should be genuine and from the heart – something that you truly feel. If we focus, we can think of at least one positive thing about every person we know. Second, the best appreciation is focused on something the person is or does – for example, an achievement, a hobby, a skill, or talent. And third, appreciation is only valuable if it’s expressed directly to the person. Don’t underestimate the power of saying to someone “I appreciate the fact that you. . .” or “I admire how you. . .”. Often times we appreciate people in our minds or from afar and never actually take the time to tell them. You never know, they might just need a kind word on the day you decide to give it. On Sunday mornings, Middle Cares sponsors a table in the Social Hall before worship, where you can sit and write a card appreciating someone at Middle – for example, a fellow congregant, a worship leader or musician. Stop by sometime and see the transformational power that a simple act of appreciation can have!
Caring for the Caregiver
On May 10 th, the Wednesday Night WellCare program was a wonderful and informative conversation with Gail Mitchell, President and Founder of the National Organization for Empowering Caregivers. Gail shared some important information and resources related to caring for our aging parents. Her website is a wealth of resources for formal and informal caregivers and I urge you to surf away: www.nofec.org. We also talked about the importance of caregivers getting support and respite for ourselves. It often feels like we don’t have the time, or we just don’t give ourselves permission to take time out. But it could be as simple as taking a bath, doing 5 minutes of stretching and breathing, or calling an old friend. For me, just sitting outside in the warm sun on a beautiful summer day is a rejuvenating moment. What are some ways you like to take care of and nurture yourself? Email me your tips and I’ll share them in another entry!
Caring to Care
In a recent sermon, I preached about the distinction between caring about and caring for. Since then, I’ve received many emails and phone calls from you telling me you took the challenge to care. You have been talking to new guests on Sundays, calling up old friends you miss and taking time out to listen to fellow members in distress. I am so impressed and moved by these gestures of care that it literally brings tears to my eyes each time I hear these stories. Keep up the good work and remember that each small gesture of caring is another step forward towards building not only a more caring church, but a more caring world. And we could certainly use that right about now, no?
|
