For it was you who formed my inward parts;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
- Psalm 139:13–14
Fearfully and wonderfully made. Fearfully, as in awesomely. Wonderfully, as in body and soul, marvelously made! The psalmist says God didn’t make any junk. Yet, most of us take our bodies and souls for granted. We do not make self-care a priority. In fact, too often we secretly wonder if caring for ourselves is, well, selfish. And so we throw ourselves at life.
One thing I hear from almost everyone I know is the sense of being overworked and overcommitted. “Stressed and pressed” seem almost like rites of passage to adult life in these days and times. When we hear others sharing these kinds of stories, we empathize but seldom encourage one another to change behaviors. As people of faith, we infrequently hold one another accountable for spiritual disciplines like Sabbath, personal devotions, exercise, worship, or staying in community. Many of us spend little time exercising and playing; we miss out on prime moments with family and friends; and we seldom avail ourselves of the resources offered by the Spirit. Why is this so?
One reason might be that North American culture expects it. To be successful is to lay all on the altar of sacrifice. To move fast, earn more, consume more, then need to earn more. Keeping up with the Jones’ is running us ragged. Another, as people of faith, we can expect ourselves to be “perfect” and get caught up in works as the measure of perfection. We then expect to be tired, overwhelmed and overworked. Joy eludes us, and we feel angry and frustrated. How do we get to abundant life?
Jesus reiterated to his disciples ancient instructions that we should love God with our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and love our neighbors as ourselves. We can think of those commandments as three legs of a stool which, when one leg is out of balance, cannot stand. To be in a knowing and loving relationship with God, self, and neighbor is to give ourselves three important resources for good-enough self-care.
First, self-care means that we know and love God. Remember, as the psalmist says, that God has made us wonderfully out of great love! God is everywhere, hemming us in behind and before, knowing the words we will say before we say them. The psalmist feels assured that if we go to heaven, God is there; if we go to the place of the dead, God is there. God knows us intimately because God created us in all of our complexity. We can’t hide from God’s love. Therefore, we can be truthful before the one who made me and loves me. We can “get real” with God, and reveal our inmost thoughts and fears. We must spend time alone with God—reading God’s Word, writing in our journals, praying. Just like in any relationship, beloved and Lover must spend time together in order to increase intimacy. Time spent with God is an essential part of self-care.
Second, we want to know and love ourselves. The way the gospel writers tell it, Mary of Nazareth was young, but she knew a few things. She knew she was a maiden of limited resources. Having known no man, she knew that having a baby seemed an impossible job. She knew that she was God’s servant, and was willing to do what she was asked. She knew also that being asked to serve made her blessed.
We need to know who we are. We need to ask, “What are my gifts? My weaknesses and limitations? My resources? What makes me, in effect, me? What makes me laugh? What gives me delight or brings me sorrow? What are my blind spots?” When we know ourselves, we can be authentic. Loving ourselves means not hiding the truth about who we are from ourselves.
We need to spend time alone to cultivate an intimate relationship with ourselves. We may need to keep an “artist’s date” with ourselves. We can go to the museum to see paintings, run along a favorite hiking path, or sit in a shop and sip coffee with a favorite book. In these times, we can be mindful of our feelings and sensations, and take time to record them later. Some of us are vaguely aware of unresolved grief, guilt, or pain in our lives. We may need to spend time with a spiritual director, counselor, or therapist to work on these issues. To get to know and love ourselves—to delight in our uniqueness and our particularities—is to cultivate an authentic love relationship with ourselves: one aspect of good-enough self-care.
Third, we need a knowing and loving relationship with our neighbor. John’s community truly understood that loving each other is the only way to express our love of God. Paul gave the church at Ephesus clear instructions about the nature of a loving community. We are to tell each other the truth, because we belong to each other. We are to manage anger, not letting the sun go down on it. We are to watch our mouths, and say things that build each other up. We are to be kind to one another and forgive, as God has forgiven us (Ephesians 4:25–32). Paul starts by encouraging us to be honest. To love each other is to be true to each other and with one another. We must cultivate relationships in which we can be truthful. Enlist a prayer partner or close friend with whom you can be transparent and vulnerable about growth edges and success. With your spouse or “significant other” share who you really are—your hopes, dreams, and fears. Invite your loved one to do the same.
As people of faith, we are all called to help build the Beloved Community. In order to do that, we need a true sense of who we are, whose we are, and what our limitations are. Resourcing ourselves with love of God, love of self and love of neighbor can equip us for this journey called life. Good-enough self-care is essential so that God can use us and bless those around us. Loving God, neighbor, and self authentically and intentionally is good food for our journey.
I love you,
Jacqui
